Saturday, August 14, 2010

An Ode to Detol, that Powerful Antiseptic

Dear Everyone,

How can I explain the wonder that is Detol?  A self-proclaimed “powerful antiseptic,” like concentrated Lysol, it is good for killing germs but sparing the host and for use on things you’d rather not bleach, including laundry, floors, sinks, toilets, bacterial rashes, cats, and Hannah Federwitz.  It smells like a cleaning product and is sold in the mouthwash aisle (and in a mouthwash bottle—could it be mouthwash?).  I don’t know how Americans live without it.

My last bottle of Detol had been empty for some days, so I was glad to be going to the City of Tamale for some grocery shopping.  In addition to grocery shopping (and here I digress), I was glad to be in Tamale for another Hotel Experience [read: In-door Camping Experience], which this time involved a cracked ceiling “repaired” with stuffed bits of toilet paper; closet and bathroom doors that wouldn’t close because they were either too small (closet) or too big (bathroom) for their openings; a sketchy fan that first wouldn’t come on and then wouldn’t turn off and only had one speed—life-threateningly fast; no hot water (but plenty of cold); and a very creepy picture of someone’s mother, glowing an iridescent bronze and staring into my soul.  It also involved the beautiful joy that is air conditioning and all the delights of Ghana Free Breakfast (a too-salty egg, two thick slices of sugar-and-sawdust bread, margarine-flavored margarine, and black tea with cream and delightful sugar cubes, all served on beautiful, china-like dishes (dog-mug “tea cup” excepted) and delivered on a silver platter).  We stayed in Tamale five days, and I purchased one bottle of Detol.  I tried to also purchase impractical shoes, but the beautiful ones were not available in my size.  Each shopkeeper I asked tried to convince me that two sizes smaller would make no difference and that my foot looked beautiful hanging a half inch off the back of the shoe.  “But, sir,” I’d protest, “I’ll fall down.”  He would muster a shocked expression, “No!”  “Sir, these are four-inch heels . . .”  But back to my Detol.

I returned from Tamale to my Little House in Gbintiri, where the ceiling occasionally leaks but is never stuffed with toilet paper and the sugar is not cubed but granulated, to find that my new cat, Alistar, had mourned my absence in a very cat-like but nonetheless unwelcome fashion and my very charming pink-on-pink polka-dot bed sheets were additionally polka-dotted with six poop-piles in varying stages of mold and dehydration.  I had been half expecting but wholly hoping against this (except for the mold, of course; the mold was a total surprise).  So I took the sheets outside and scraped off what I could—and without throwing up too, which I was rather proud of—returning the rest to a great big washtub of Detol to soak.  I made plans to sleep on couch cushions on the floor that night and began to Detol my mattress, at which point my entire bed fell completely apart, crashing down onto both of my feet.  This was somewhat surprising as, while the bottom of my bed frequently falls out, the frame almost always remains intact.  I took a break here to hunt some suitable ice pack out of my freezer and rest on the couch.  I came up with two matching packages of sliced pepperoni, which did the job admirably.  I was somewhat less than calm at this point but did manage to finish Detolling the mattress and to suitably make up the couch cushions into some kind of sleeping place.

The next day was cloudy and threatened rain, so I put the fan on the still-wet mattress instead of hauling it outside.  Valerie gave me all appropriate pity and a clean set of sheets and came over to help put my bed back together.  I was just pulling the fourth corner of the bottom sheet over the mattress that evening when Alistar the Cat, perhaps overwhelmed by all that antiseptic freshness, leapt lightly to the bed and deposited his opinion, again, in the middle of the sheet before I even knew what was happening.  Then one side fell off of the bed and the bottom clunked out.  I grabbed Alistar the Cat’s head and rubbed it in his mistake, offering all appropriate admonishment, changed his name to Alistar the Exiled, and banished him forever, throwing him out the front door with the wish that one of my neighbors would think he looked delicious and eat him.  I added my newly soiled sheets to the others in the Detol bath, re-Detolled the mattress, and failed to reassemble the bed.  The fan dried the mattress in time for me to make it up on the floor, and when my attempt at sleep revealed the middle was not quite as dry as I’d thought, I just resolved to sleep along the edge.

Since then, Alias Chuck has diagnosed warping as my bed’s primary problem and has fixed it, first temporarily with the aid of a rubber mallet and then more permanently through the application of power tools.  My sheets are clean, disinfected, and only slightly stained.  And Alistar the Exiled continues his new, rugged outdoor life, where he is affectionately mistreated by children and puppies.  He does still occasionally get back a bit of his own, however, and Micah’s cry of, “Aunt Christina!  JoyAnna needs Detolled!” renews my wish that Alistar might yet become a villager’s main course and prompts a mental note to buy more than one bottle of Detol next time.

Today’s Suggested Prayer Topics include:

1. Our trip to Accra, beginning August 20, 2010.  I can’t remember why we’re going, but we’ll be there about 3 weeks.  Six out of seven car occupants are prone to motion sickness, and our drive down will last at least two days.

2. My English classes, that I would continue to teach things worth learning.  Two of my students are just learning to read and read real, actual words for the first time last week.

3. My classes with Chuck’s kids: preschool with Micah, first grade language arts with Josiah, and second grade creative writing with Michaela.  I am loving this work and am thankful for it.

4. Thanksgiving that one bottle of Detol has so far been enough.

Thanks for your prayers and for every other kind of support you give.  Hope you are well.

Christina